Saturday, December 29, 2012


There's something in the air...

It's been an intense last few months.  And in the last month, I think I've logged only 8 full days at home.  I like to travel.  I like to try new things and different languages. I've met a ton of new people and really look forward to the upcoming year.  There's a myriad of new possibilities.  Who can sneeze at that?  My life continues to prove that with God, there are no slow moving boats... there's only massive roller coasters with high speeds and hair-raising drops and rises.  I'll never regret that.  EVER.  

However, I've come to understand something I never quite understood before. 

HOME... is a blessed place.

So, this is where the funny part comes... I've never been one to miss home.  As far back as I can remember, I've strained towards the beckoning of an open door to somewhere else.  Towards a plane that can take me anywhere.  A car that can keep driving and driving, so long as I keep the tank topped off.  I used to keep a go-away bag stowed in my car, just in case I got inspired to jet to places unknown.  I've always kept boxes stored in my closets in case my lease came up or some strange situation required me to pack things up and move on to another apartment, another home.  Maybe the landlord was selling the house and needed us to move out; or my roommate got this great opportunity and I'd be stuck scrambling to find someone in less than a couple of weeks; or have to pay off my lease and jump in with friends while I was looking for another place. I can pack things together in the blink of an eye... completely organized and with every last detail covered.  From birth, I've been traveling.  I was on my 1st plane ride and my first move at the age of 3 months.  Made my 2nd move at the age of 3.  My 3rd move at the age of 5.  To say I've been TRAINED to uproot myself... to explore, is an understatement.  

In truth, I've loved it.  I love the excitement of something new, fresh and invigorating.  I have all my little pockets and areas to store things.  I have my favorite travel towel, my favorite travel blanket, the perfect outfits for plane or car... you name it, I have the system and ritual down.  When I'm in the passenger seat, I have my books to read, lotions to keep my nose happy and snacks to keep my tongue and tummy happy.  I have every accoutrement necessary for a comfortable and relaxing ride.  I keep a map out so I can see exactly where I'm at in any given time.  I can navigate with the best of them thanks to my dad, who used to spend his time in the driver's seat instructing me on the fine points of map-reading.  He taught me to always know which direction I'm pointed (if I know the time and am charting the movement of the sun, it's pretty easy).  When I'm going somewhere new, I research the destination and all the points along the way.  Can you tell I can talk FOREVER about the joys of traveling and moving???

I've never quite understood when I would hear people say "I miss home."  In my mind I'd be thinking, "Are you nuts?  That's so boring!  Why would you want to go someplace you've already been?"

Fast forward to today.  
I've had a few epiphanies.  
They're all recently new.  

I'll say it again...
Home is a blessed place.

To say something or someone is blessed is a powerful statement.  It can mean all kinds of things to different people.  But it has an underlying definition that remains true, no matter who says it.  It means ... to be FILLED with joy.  FILLED With promise and its' ultimate end.  

Something I've discovered, is that it's difficult to experience deep seated joy when you're destabilized.  Promises need the soil of unconditional love in order to take root.  There's no way around that.  The purpose of home is to provide a safe and warm haven, from which you can tackle anything the world throws at you.  It's the place you come back to when you're weary of fighting the good fight and you're operating on fumes and your stamina is kicking out.  It's a place to actively grow and learn, because how can you truly live out dreams when there's no spot that they can grow from?  It's like a plant.  Plants don't grow very high or become strong when they're not well rooted.  Well watered.  Well cultivated.  They can't be filled with solid nutrients if I'm constantly pulling it out of the ground and re-planting it in a different spot.  Their growth gets stunted.  Their leaves look anemic.  How well the soil is prepared is also phenomenally important.  If I just throw something into the ground without breaking up the soil, without mixing in manure thus giving it an environment which can self-sustain itself... it may or may not take.  But if I take care of things properly, that baby plant will grow, become robust and in time fill out the entire place with its' life and fruits.

It's a bit like Advent.  Advent is a time of reminding us of where are true roots lie...  Our true home lies.  It lies in the arms of a child who carries the universe within his being.  In that place all fruit begins.  Praying and living by the Gospel waters, feeds and nurtures our souls for our (hopefully) eternal residence.

Dear Lord Jesus, collect us and carry us Home!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!

Salve Regina Tonantzin  (taken from the text of Misa Azteca:

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
our life, our sweetness and our hope.

To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us;
and after this our exile,
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

There is a crimson mist of roseate swans there beyond in your home, Oh, Santa Maria

Turquoise swans, all the birds, are cackling.  And this is how you’re prayed to, Santa María.

Ave María!  O lady, noble lady, right here we’re praising you with love.

There’s singing in this House of Flutes-and we are singing!

What flower is this that lies in fragrance?  It gleams incarnadine like a roseate swan, it seems!

Pray for us O holy Mother of God,
that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Salve Regina Tonantzin

Salve, Regina, Mater misericordiae, vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra, salve.

ad te clamamus exsules filii Hevae, ad te suspiramus, gementes et flentes in hac lacrimarum valle.

Eia, ergo, advocata nostra, illos tuos misericordes oculos ad nos converte; et Jesum, benedictum fructum ventris tui, nobis post hoc exsilium ostende.  O clemens, O pia, O dulcis Virgo Maria.

Zan ca tlauhquecholtlapalayauhtimani a oncaan y ye mochani tisanta Maria, ayia yeoo ayia yeha

Y zan ca xiuhquechol nepapan tototl chachalacaya, yca tontlatlauhtilo yani tisanta Maria

Ave maria an o ticihuapille tlatocacihuapille yxquickcapaya timitzontotlaçoyectenehuiliya ho

Cuicoya tlapitzalcalitequi toncuicatinemi tleon

mach y xochitl ahuiaxtimania o anqui ya tlauhquecholtlaztalehualtotonatoc.

Ora pro nobis sancta Dei Genetrix.
Ut digni efficiamur promissionibus Christi.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Immaculate Conception- Padre Pio

Blessed Be Christ The King
Meditation on the Immaculate Conception
By Padre Pio, OFM, Cap.

Eternal Love, Spirit of Light and Truth, make a way into my poor mind and allow me to penetrate as far as it is possible to a wretched creature like myself, into that abyss of grace, of purity and of holiness, that I may acquire a love of God that is continually renewed, a love of God Who, from all eternity planned the greatest of all the masterpieces created by His hands: the Immaculate Virgin Mary.

From all eternity Almighty God took delight in what was to be the most perfect work of His hands, and anticipated this wonderful plan with an outpouring of His Grace.

Man, created innocent, fell by disobeying Him; the mark of original sin remained engraved on his forehead and that of his progeny who will bear its consequences until the end of time.

A woman brought ruin, and a woman was to bring salvation. The one, being tempted by a serpent, stamped the mark of sin on the human race; the other was to rise through grace, pure and immaculate. She would crush the head of the serpent who was helpless before her and who struggled in vain under her heel; for she was conceived without sin, and through her came grace to mankind.

Protected with Grace by Him Who was to be the Savior of Mankind that had fallen into sin, she escaped all shadow of evil. She sprang from the mind of God as a pure ray of light, and will shine like a morning star over the human race that turns to her. She will be the sure guide who will direct our steps toward the Divine Sun which is Jesus Christ. He makes her radiant with divine splendor and points to her as our model of purity and sanctity. No creature surpasses her, but all creation defers to her through the Grace of Him Who made her immaculate. He Whom she was to carry in her womb was the Son of God participating with the Father and the Holy Spirit in the glory of her conception.

Clothed in light from the moment of her conception, she grew in grace and comeliness. After Almighty God, she is the most perfect of creatures; more pure than the angels; God is indeed well pleased in her, since she most resembles Him and is the only worthy repository of His secrets.

In the natural order she preceded her Divine Child, Our Lord, but in the divine order Jesus, the Divine Sun, arose before her, and she received from Him all grace, all purity and all beauty.

All is darkness compared to the pure light that renews all creation through Him Whom she bore in her womb, as the dew on the rose.

The Immaculate Conception is the first step in our salvation. Through this singular and unique gift Mary received a profusion of Divine Grace, and through her cooperation she became worthy of absorbing infinitely more. 
Murrillo's Immaculate Conception
My most pure Mother, my soul so poor, all stained with wretchedness and sin cries out to your maternal heart. In your goodness deign, I beseech you, to pour out on me at least a little of the grace that flowed into you with such infinite profusion from the Heart of God. Strengthened and supported by this grace, may I succeed in better loving and serving Almighty God Who Filled your heart completely, and Who created the temple of your body from the moment of your Immaculate Conception.

The Three Divine Persons imbue this sublime creature with all her privileges, her favors and her graces, and with all of her holiness.

The Eternal Father created her pure and immaculate and is well pleased in her for she is the worthy dwelling of His only Son. Through the generating of His Son in His bosom from all eternity, He forecasts the generation of His Son as Man in the pure womb of this mother, and He clothed her from her conception in the radiant snowy garment of grace and of most perfect sanctity; she participates in His perfection.
The Son Who chose her for His Mother poured His wisdom into her that from the very beginning, by infused knowledge, she knew her God. She loved and served Him in the most perfect manner as He never until then had been loved and served on this earth.

The Holy Ghost poured His love into her; she was the only creature worthy or capable of receiving this love in unlimited measure because no other had sufficient purity to come so near to God; and being near to Him could know and love Him ever more. She was the only creature capable of containing the stream of love which poured into her from on high. She alone was worthy to return to Him from Whom came that love. This very love prepared her for that "Fiat" which delivered the world from the tyranny of the infernal enemy and overshadowed her, the purest of doves making her pregnant with the Son of God.

Oh my Mother, how ashamed I feel in your presence, weighted down as I am with faults! You are most pure and immaculate from the moment of your conception, indeed from the moment in eternity when you were conceived in the mind of God.

Have pity on me! May one compassionate look of yours revive me, purify me and lift me up to God; raising me from the filth of this world that I may go to Him Who created me, Who regenerated me in Holy Baptism, giving me back my white stole of innocence that original sin had so defiled. Dear Mother, make me love Him! Pour into my heart that love that burned in yours for Him. Even though I be clothed in misery, I revere the mystery of your Immaculate Conception, and I ardently wish that through it you may purify my heart so that I may love your God and my God. Cleanse my mind that it may reach up to Him and contemplate Him and adore Him in spirit and in truth. Purify my body that I too may be a tabernacle for Him and be less unworthy of possessing Him when He deigns to come to me in Holy Communion. Amen.

We too, redeemed by Holy Baptism, are corresponding to the grace of our vocation when in imitation of our Immaculate Mother we apply ourselves incessantly to the knowledge of God in order that we may ever learn better to know Him, to serve Him and to love Him.

Thursday, November 08, 2012


A reading to share with you from a book on the Holy Souls in Purgatory "Get Us Out of Here"

It's from a woman named Maria Simma, who was visited by the Holy Souls from the time she was a child.  She comes with complete church approval and comes across as incredibly sound, sane, reasonable, pragmatic and downright funny at times.  I'll be sharing periodically from the book in this month dedicated to the Holly Souls. 

In response to the question:
"How often should, in your opinion, people attend Mass?"

She said:
"Everyday.  You're surprised; don't be.  To come nearer to God we must first, with a tiny bit of disciplines, MAKE TIME FOR HIM.  Did He not give us his life and this time?  It is therefore not too much to expect to give a part of each day back to Him.  I am fully aware that today's society has most people geared to rush about with innumerable excuses to neglect the third of our beings that consists of the spiritual.  Man needs food for his body, his mind and for his spiritual life.  If any one of these is ignored the person can never achieve his balance and fullness, and thus he remains behind.  He loses out and God never wants anybody to fall back.  I promise you with all my heart that once you give Jesus this time, you will soon be entirely puzzled how you ever existed before.  He brings us such peace, such strength and such joy.  Jesus is not just another psychological crutch.  He is God and thus our one and only very best friend."

Prayer of St. Gertrude the Great
A prayer which would release 1000 souls from purgatory each time it is said:
"Eternal Father, I offer you the most precious blood of thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the Masses said throughout the world today, for all the Holy souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen"

Friday, September 28, 2012

Miel D'Oro

Glowing warm
gentle silk
cushiness round about the inside
deep in richness
warm in touch
sweeter than lightness
and cooler than dew
glowing in night
and beckoning during day
your eyes are like a focal point
in the center of my being.

When the nightmares threaten
and the darkness wants to encroach
God gives me a beacon
for which to come home
like fire in the cold of night
happy dancing leaping flames
that calm me and hold me
to the roots He laid in silence

Quietly shouting
humble milk
mushiness round about the inside
full in wholeness
cool to the touch
meeker than brightness
and warmer than rain
melding in starlight
and daring in day
your eyes are like a focal point
in the center of my being

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


As it's been awhile since I've blogged, I should probably give an update (even if it is solely for myself =)).  It's been almost 10 months I think, since I've tickled the keys in an attempt to clarify something within my own soul.  There's been so much evolution within that short period of time that in truth, I didn't think it would be possible to even attempt to make sense of it all.  But perhaps that's the concept... one of incredible transition.

I have to admit that often I feel a bit caught...
I have a deep sense of privacy,
and a deep need to contemplate
to ruminate
to sit still with everything that occurs in my life.

Yet how do I do that, when things only pick up speed, and the amount of projects being offered us, are piling up.
There's hardly ANY room to absorb it all
It seems every time we turn around, the opportunities abound
and I am happy about it,
yet I am also conflicted about the need to take it in
to understand
to piece together this puzzle, which grows exponentially by the day??

I'll admit that we have a Creed of working and living in this industry and it is admittedly anti-thetical to the Hollywood "way".  We're committed to living and working solidly... Meaning that we keep artistic and intellectual integrity as we work.  Maybe it's not glamorous, and maybe people constantly underestimate us.  At least, they do till they see us work... And then, they want to keep on working with us.  And then they pass on the word to their friends.  And THAT is why we have work coming out of our ears.  We have 4 projects we're working on concurrently, and that's not small.  We have a fantastic reputation with everyone who has ever worked with us... And the other things we're doing on top of the movie projects are exploding.  I'm proud of our work. I'm proud of the life we're attempting to build.  One based on God's love, faithfulness and solidity.  Not one based on name-dropping and the latest "project" that someone is "hoping" to get off the ground.  Show me REAL work.  Not BS.

We will not sacrifice family or our health in order to impress someone who could care less about our souls or hearts.  God is blessing us abundantly, and we didn't have to sacrifice our sanity and a more thoughtful way of doing things in order to get notice of "important" people.  God controls our lives.  Not some director, producer or crazy conductor who tried to smear us.  God always gets around the crazy... Always.  The people God wants us to know, we'll know.  If He takes someone out of our loop, there's a reason. If someone says they want us to go for a feature they're working on, by submitting on spec and which could be a huge "breakthrough", and then they drop the ball by not sending us the cut scenes ... There's a reason.   (That actually happened in the last 7 months.  I think I might know the reason and it has to do with God's spiritual protection of my relationship with my husband.)  Especially when we have so many other projects that we're scrambling to manage the sheer volume, I sure as heck am not going to worry about it.  There's a reason.

Our creed is this... Work hard, give our best artistically, be as intelligent about it as possible, don't bs- let our yes mean yes and our no mean no, ALWAYS take the humbler part, always take everything as a lesson- even when we already know it.  If someone comes along to "school" us without any respect to what we've actually done, let them. In the end, they only make themselves look bad.  Love each other, no matter what.  Be faithful and work for the good of the family ALWAYS.  Never let a project keep us from our first priorities.  Be clear.  Always respect others, even when they don't respect you, but be clear at the same time that we can't be taken advantage of by exhibiting pure charm and humor that draws lines in an attractive way.

Living this way is incredibly hard, but true success lies in consistency, discipline, giftedness, talent, and true respect for the underlying dignity of every person we encounter.

I endeavor to be that Hollywood person that doesn't blow a horn, that pushes hard at excelling for the right reasons and forges a way with my love/partner/husband in an honest and truly artistic way unique to the both of us.  If God blesses us, then what else matters?? Not much.  He knows when we're ready to work with certain people and when they're ready to work with us.  If the timing isn't now, it will be later and God will orchestrate those reunion meetings and the altered relationship that will allow for us to all work together at that point of time.  Why be impatient?

To love, to be solid, to not make promises I can't keep, to develop my particular voice and to not let another person try to form something within me which isn't real... these are all true, good and the future.  We have to live with ourselves, no one else does.

I have a vision, and every day of my life has only confirmed it for us.  I'm excited and supremely patient.  The ambition is not mine, it is His.  So long as I stay true to it, and keep my baby on the same path, we can't help but fulfill the long term big picture vision.  God's time, God's way. ;)


When the clouds overshadow and hide a little gem
time is only biding the moment of it's revelation

In moments not seen, does the most beautiful stem
a root that's only hiding the moment of its' inspiration

For ambition can't push a lock into passing
a flock that's so fair, but not fit to crashing
a form thats not fitting
in moment not hitting
creation made only for right time and measure.

When the cloud parts open and shows a little den
diamonds only shine in moment of contemplation.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Ode to George

You sit upon a carrot tree
a warble a moment away
the dusk centered light
sends a note from the night
the quiet seems blissful and sweet

you step from the back
and poise for a note
your feathers lay soft and so true

your beak lifts to sing
and my how it rings
your toes cling to wire to shout

from dawn till dusk
I sing my song
never wearying in my quest to express
my vibrado soars
my screech sets your teeth
but I'll never back down from my score

You hang upon a telephone wire
a scat never far from the beak
the sweet sighted birds
draw near to your sight
the moment seems sweet and yet bleak

the sun starts to rise
a friend starts to fly
you move to begin day anew

a sound roars to throttle
my ears start to sorrow
a pillow stays wrapped round my head

from dawn till dusk
you sing your song
never wearying in the quest to express
your tweet sets to singing
my ears can't stop ringing
your score sets a tone it's a chore

(to be finished...)

Sunday, March 25, 2012


(9.28.12- This is something i went through and wrote 6 months ago.  It feels safe to put it out there now, because my heart has already made a decision.  I protect love... For all of us. ;). But I do understand the questions of the heart, especially in those moments before the plunge.  This is for encouragement to those who wonder and worry that they wonder.)

Getting ready for a journey
but I don't know where.
First class or coach…
in my heart, it doesn't matter

It's like I'm there, but I don't know why
and I wonder where this is going
and I wonder why now?
because my heart is just as strong as it was before,
yet right next to it lies this other
who doesn't exist, yet does exist
but it shouldn't,
and i've taken measures to make sure
it doesn't fully exist except at a distance,
or when coincidence places us in each others' path… again
or when work… creates an opportunity that can't really be passed up
'cause when asked, I make excuses to not go
or if I know where he is, I avoid him
'cause I know where my heart rests, and there I stay
I know where God gives the grace, and I embrace it
He shines a light on a path, and I run along it.
I relish in it.
I find peace, tremendous joy and only growth.
It's a pair of glowing honey colored eyes that shine in the dark
and a pair of hands that send electronic volts of electricity in and through my body.
It's home and grapevines and the scent of mushrooms and berries.
It's plans and roots and rocks and music.
It's an everyday type of love mixed with dreams and whistles and laughter.

Why can't I shake this other sense?
That's similar… so very, very similar
yet different.
I noticed that when we first met… you gave me the same sense as my love
a simplicity, a clarity, a peacefulness
a sweetness and humbleness
that reminded me of only one person, the one I'm with...
that I thought only hunny bear possessed
that I felt only with him and no other
and yet??…

This sense that is connected to another
That knows when it shouldn't know
and feels when it shouldn't feel…
the sense of you feeling out towards me
How can it reside alongside...
in keeping with...
what I already possess?
What does it mean?
Does it mean anything?
If I ignore it, it comes back
And if I give in to it, I only wait
and it's a never-ending cycle that doesn't bear any fruit
so what's the point?

I pray for this person
have prayed for this person
for God to guide and lead them to wherever he wants
and I've prayed to be open either way
I've prayed for God simply to guide me,
to close all the doors that would keep me from His will
and to open all the doors that He desires, whenever He desires

Whenever He's opened the door towards this other
I've held back and not crossed the threshold
I've held to my position
and looked at God as though to ask "Why?" "Why now?" "Why here?"

God has also confirmed the path I'm on
soooo many times, and only sunshine follows me as I stay on it
I peacefully go on my way
but every so often, this sense overpowers me
and I just want to be free of it
because it complicates
it only complicates, yes?

Feels like a parallel universe
faith, music, kids, art, culture, wisdom, philosophy
and spirits that feel like they were created in the same space in heaven
they're so different, yet so very much the same
one more unobtrusive, one with little privacy
I thought such an easy decision, I prefer privacy
and Yet???…

Curiosity killed the cat
I remind myself of that so often
but I can't just ignore it any more
and I can't just give in either
So, I'm in a middle ground
of holding these things in my heart
and praying that God lay the grace before us all
to walk in the way that He shows
and to dwell in the spaces He's carved out for all of us
All of us with a calling
All of us with an expectation placed upon us
with roles to play and people to love

all I can see is now
all that I know is within my reach
and I won't move
unless a hand is extended to me in inspiration
Must be inspiration
I won't ask for it on my own
and certainly not right now
But know, my eyes are open
and it's for God to say where it goes
i trust He holds our hearts in His hands
and awakens them in the direction He envisions
I pray for you it's soon, and your patience is rewarded
Please pray for me, so I may too
fulfill the journey that's been laid out for me.
I feel you, though I don't want to
I sense you, though I can do nothing
I pray for you, so that only the best happens … regardless of how we feel
and I pray that we all remain faithful
to the inspirations that fill us all.