Wednesday, August 31, 2011

On Silence

So, I have this theory on silence…
it is vitally important.

Why is it important?
And do any of us really know what true silence is anyway??

For me, I live in Los Angeles. It's not exactly quiet. There's my work. Actually, I work at different things. One of my hats is acting as a composer's assistant/music editor/score production supervisor and everything in between. It's a life of music/film/concerts/meetings/coordinating… and more coordinating… and notes etc. Music is constantly being created, being marked, being organized, researched, learned, taught, being produced and being absorbed. Another hat is administrating a summer program for inner city kids. So, it's developing a summer curriculum, teaching, disciplining, baby-sitting, ministering, and every other little thing that comes with taking care of and guiding kids who many consider to be "disadvantaged". Many of them come from single family homes, or they come from abusive backgrounds. Many have no concept of boundaries, and generally, on some level they're neglected. It can be heart-breaking. Then, there's property management. I manage 2 properties. It's an education in learning the in's and out's of how to be a good steward of real assets. I love learning all there is to know about taking care of properties in the same way I love figuring out how to create a mechanism that'll help kids dream and work towards a better life; the same way I love being a part of a creative project that really seeks to excel artistically and professionally. It all pushes and challenges me, especially considering how somehow, I want to be a good person in the middle of it all and be a real example of what it means to be a godly woman. To show that there's a different way to do everything, and that you don't have to sacrifice quality in the process of attempting to do good. More importantly, to be good. Do I fail at any of the above?? All the time!!! Do I give up?? NO.

So the question is… when there's so much going on and so much noise being generated, how in the world is it possible to experience even an iota of silence?? There is an answer. Many people try to meditate, or do yoga. Me… I go to mass and adoration. If I miss it (like I did today), I feel dissonant.

Something I've learned about silence from mass and adoration… it's that it pervades your system. It quiets down the world and eventually turns it off. I actually FEEL it slow my heart rate down, to the point where I can feel it pound louder in my entire body. Silence feels like this roadway that opens up and gives you a direct channel to God. Then God pours Himself into you like this agent that alters your breathing pattern, crystallizes your thought, re-orients your brain, reroutes your impulses. Without silence, the pathway gets blocked off, and you can't operate at any real level. It's like Kanan Road to the beach during the rainy season and mudslides block off the road so cars can't pass through. Grace is completely cut off.

I feel like I wouldn't be able to do any of the above things I currently do, if I didn't take time out in the beginning of my day… for silence. For this quiet space, in which little to no sound is generated or received. Within it, my entire day is re-oriented, re-priorized, re-rooted and re-defined. It's too easy to get caught up in things, as well as get caught up in yourself to the point where you think it's all you when the truth is… it isn't you. It isn't me. Anything we say, do or feel begins somewhere. And that somewhere is not here. It's not even a place. It's someone.

Silence introduces you to that someone. Silence is this cushion of chamomile scented pillows drenched in sunny sweetness. It's silvery dark night enveloping you in silky comfort like your favorite blanket from childhood. It's warm milk flavored with honey and a dash of cinnamon on a night when you're not feeling well. It's a doorway to the deepest of hugs, and the most intimate of lovers. Love is not an "it". Love is a "who". Silence is… the doorway to Love Himself.

Thank you God for the gift of silence. Please help me to keep it safe and to nurture it everyday. Amen!

"In darkness, and secure,
by the secret ladder, disguised,
- ah, the sheer grace! -
in darkness and concealment,
my house being now all stilled."- St John of the Cross.

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